I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize