She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
