they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
