He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
