Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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