apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FUCK WHALES
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
