i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
