I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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