this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
