do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
