im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
