i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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