no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
