Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
