yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
