she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
