I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
