Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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