i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
