Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
