She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
