this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
