pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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