hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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