Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
two words: eviction party
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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