I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
