I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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