I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize