Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
