I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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