why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
