When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
