people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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