He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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