I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
