This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
