A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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