We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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