this just has baby written all over it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
