She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
