today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
