Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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