but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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