this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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