Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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