I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
