covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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