I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
