So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
