I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
