I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
