She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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