Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
