we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize