I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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