Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
