Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
home. puking in laundry basket.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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