we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So many bounce houses so little time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
