id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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