as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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