at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No subtext here. People are naked.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
