I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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