I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
