I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
