"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
