so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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