i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
