So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
